My sweetly idiotic husband,

Oh Pierre sang such a pretty tune when he delivered this letter! Clopin says
your eyes are stars, he exclaimed! Your lips taste of the sweetest honey, and
your hair flows is like spun gold! You are his eternal treasure and he wants
for nothing more in his life!

Why thankyou Pierre, I said sweetly, and took my "loveletter" straight to
Colombine. Oh Clopin - and you know Colombine so well too - an old friend of
yours, and my own dearest companion.But,you handsome idiot, you forgot that
Colombine lived once, not as a gypsy, but an educated woman, who can both
read and write!And together we learned the true meaning of your "love letter"
and she has now kindly consented to write you one the same,as I dictate to
her.

Foiled you are!!! And perhaps the most delicious twist of all is that as you
can see (or not as you are as illiterate as an ignorant,ill brought up,
smelly, egotistical Parisian gypsy!) that this letter is in Romany. I doubt
very much your poet friend can read Romany. YOU poor thing. You didn't think
very carefully through this before you took action now did you?

No and right now you are chuckling in the tavern, congratulating yourself,
whilst the others look on at you, you big nosed, knock kneed,beady eyed
loudmouthed excuse for an entertainer, and they think to themselves "Poor
Clopin, ever since his wife came along she has made him look a fool time and
time again.We pity him, we do. Let us pretend as though we still are
interested in him, so he does not feel quite so done over!" And you, you
conceited fool, believe it!

So right now I am chuckling quite heartily myself! When you return I will
sashay up to you, with lowered eyes and cooing lips and hand you this letter,
thanking you for such a beautiful poem as I received from Pierre before. Here
is one much the same I shall coo into your hairy ears, and you, you ugly
goat, will fall for it!!!

So once again the delectable Herlikin has her wicked way with you!!That is of
course the reason I love you so - I keep getting the better of you!

With all of my very sincere and passionate love,

Herlikin Trouillefou

PS: You should know, my only love, that this letter is quite serious, and
made not at all in jest! Although it should afford me several good belly
laughs at your expense. I do adore you,you balding truant, but you're not as
clever as you think.

                                                                   
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